It's that time of year again: Advent. I've been sorting and cleaning my office, home, and actually, we haven't yet put up our family Christmas tree. We do have Advent calendars--two, well three in fact. One is a handmade, dearly loved, felt project a friend of my mother made over 40 years ago. Each day we turn the number to find her creation, a symbol, of the upcoming holiday. The other well-used calendar, is a 2013 Lego Star Wars Advent Calendar. Yes, my boys LOVE opening up each tiny compartment to reveal the Lego miniature inside. I believe this is the 4th, maybe 5th year we've purchased a Lego calendar. The third is a paper calendar my boys had been pining after. Grandma indulged, and they eat the little chocolates behind each paper door with gusto.
The other day someone mentioned "the Holidays" as a set of difficult days, even months. And assumed that everyone had hard times throughout the short days, long dark evenings and nights of November, December, January and for a lot of people, February. I do agree that the physiological effect we crave--of light, sun, ease of play outdoors--impacts my mood, the people in my neighborhood and office building, and certainly the mood and mental clarity of some of my patients/clients. Sometimes it just helps to be aware of why we feel more tearful, melancholy, or blah. Is it the weather, the lack of sunlight? Or our subconscious draw to remember times of the past, when dear ones died, family was not divided by conflict, or physical or mental illness brought uncomfortable situation with a friend. Certainly the music and decorations are a constant visual reminder, and for adults and children alike, a festive symbol of the anticipation of get-togethers, family time, a break from school and work, a change in routine!
I learned to watch and try to view events from a child's perspective. Try to view the events from their point of view. Hopeful, vigilant observation of traditions at home, church, and school. Learning about different ways of celebrating from their friends' perspective. When I lived in Los Angeles after high school, the family I lived with celebrated both Christmas and Hanukah; their daughter's best friend was Jewish and she at age nine wanted to learn all about that family's history and traditions. Several years ago I sat one the floor, criss-cross applesauce, scooted way up to the bottom of our tree, and looked UP. Do you remember how huge and beautiful trees seem to kids? I've done it each year, since, to remember the perspective of beauty, and size. Yes, from my seated position, the tree did seem gi-nor-mus. The lights shining, ornaments in place, some handmade, some brass or crystal from the store.
So this time of year, I actually do anticipate a dip in attendance at therapy, some crisis', new clients, former clients returning for a "check-up." Kids get sad and frustrated with complicated parenting time. And I witness and sit with clients with tears of overwhelm. There's just a lot to do, even the fun stuff like holiday concerts at school, church, drawing names for gift-giving, thinking and shopping or making the presents. Cooking is a whole other blog post almost. Again, it's been in recent years that my eyes have been opened to the organization and planning it takes to creatively feed increased numbers of people around the table, day after day. Please don't get me wrong, I love when my family comes and we have the luxury of multiple days with them. I am one of the adults now, obviously, and cooking is not something I relish. But I am happy to help out, now our extended family has multiple dietary allergies/intolerance, and diet choices. So this year at Thanksgiving when my mom requested a different stuffing, it was kind of fun to explore and see what other people do. (If I had a clue as to how to include a picture right here, or a link to the recipe we used, I would. It was yummy cornbread stuffing from Pioneer Woman, with multiple adaptations. But let me tell you, the spices were spot on!)
So I wish you some new spices this holiday season. I encourage you to sit below the Christmas tree and view it from another perspective. And while you're down there on the floor, maybe read a book to a kiddo who loves your time and attention. Pick up a Lego piece and ask about what makes that piece or set special. Because it's amazing what kids tell us when we're deliberately listening. Adult time and positive attention is like the sunlight we all need in the winter.
Until next time,
I wish you all well.
Ms. Madeline Leigh
